Someone has to say it.

I have to get a few things off my chest. Have you ever had one of those days you sit and watch human beings around you and you think to yourself, are you serious!? Can it be that you have survived long enough to make it through puberty, driver's ed, and higher education? And you have a job? Some of you managed to reproduce. That's encouraging. I'm, well frankly I'm amazed. Because I have no where to share these insights but to the public on the internet, here we go.

To the gentleman running in our neighborhood with the shorts that would make Richard Simmons blush, boy put some clothes on!
Nashville Bun Factory (next door) your only job is to watch bread bake and take it out. The burning is giving me second hand smoke inhalation. Let's try this again. Bread in, bake for an hour while you sit and watch it. DING buzzer. Take it out. The end. I know you're watching the tournament on your phones, knock it off!
Coworkers, if you tuck in your nicely wrinkled shirt (you ain't got no one at home doin your ironin, heaven forbid you peel yourself away from XBox Live to do it yourself) into those pants that are too short? Wear a belt! Please.
Mrs. Trophy Wife in the Armada. I realize your fitness instructor got you down to your ideal 98.2 pounds. Congratulations on your steady diet of air and mustard. I say again, you are TOO SMALL for the tank you are driving. You have nearly hit my car changing lanes six times. Next stop light we hit, I'm taking a crow bar to your windshield.
To the woman in front of me at Kroger. I noticed that you have Alli diet pills in your cart, along with two lean cuisines and some skim milk. Let me remind you, that the rest of the cart is filled with Cheetos, hot pockets, Ramen, beer, and salami. This diet isn't going to go well for you.
Ned the Neighbor (I say Ned because it's catchy, his name isn't Ned). You are either deaf or actually living in another location. Your two very large dogs are awake at 4:30 every  morning. Just throwing it out there.
To the dude in line at Sprint. It may be pretty cool that you have the new Evo phone and it has every bell and whistle you could dream of. Congratulations, you son next to you looks hungry and doesn't have shoes on. Prioritize your life.
Bluetooth users, you're the most annoying people on the planet. That's it.
To America at large, if you ignore Charlie Sheen long enough, he will go away. Do not feed the animals.
American Idol, you're glory days were over 4 seasons ago, enough already. Same with you Survivor.
Dick Vitel, you've managed to get more grating and irritating with each passing year. Retire. Go hang out with John Madden.
To the girl at the tanning salon, you're 19 and your skin is not supposed to be that color. I want to talk to your mama.
To the chubby middle schoolers with glasses and odd hair, I love and feel for you. Rock out, it's going to get better. It can't get worse right? Don't worry the populars that are making your life miserable will end up parents at 18 and living at home until they're 30. Believe it.
Nashvillians, wrecks happen on a daily basis. There's always going to be someone on the side of the road with an issue. KEEP GOING. Your rubbernecking is making me want to commit crimes.

Well that's a load off my chest. Thanks for listening. Hope your day is on the sunny side up. Someone must have broke my yoke. Happy Friday.