Surviving Tony.

So I promised to keep my reading world (all 5 of you) abreast of what is going on in our lives. I have been a little slow on that simply because 92.4% of the time, there reaaaaally isn't much to talk about other than eat, sleep, go to work, and shower. Never in the same order. But one NEW element to the Phillip life has been a change in our workout routine. I know, whoop dee doo. We succumbed to "trendy" fitness and bit on the hook of P90X, an at home workout series of DVDs. So when I say I haven't been to the gym in almost 2 weeks its because I'm gettin my fit on in my house. And thank goodness, because I look more like an idiot than usual.

This butt kicking, muscle jabbing, sweat inducing, 6 day a week GRINDFEST is supposed to give you a beach body. I'm quoting them here, they literally want you to have a beach body. We don't have any beaches here, but I'll take the body. This program includes all kinds of supplements and a diet program neither of which Matt and I are participating in. JUST the workouts. Each day is a different body area concentration. There are also phases. Since it's a 90 day program, the 3 months are broken down into phases. Somehow, at the end of it, you come out with this amazing physique. I will believe when I see it...on me. They encourage you to take a "before" picture so you can see how amazing you look  after. No thanks, uh, ew. 

The WORST, and I do mean absolute worst part of these workouts aren't even the activities. Oh no friends, it's the instructor. Meet Tony.

To classify Tony as a complete tool kit is not even close. I've never been one to do work out videos but I have to imagine he tops this list as the MOST irritating. Each time I hear him speak I want to lob a dumbbell at the television. I don't know if he's trying to be motivating or get you so annoyed you actually work harder at the activity you're engaged in. Either way, it's terrible. Tony is the kind of guy that has to pay people to hang out with him. If he does have real friends, their time is spent comparing quads and pectorals while drinking bull urine. Or something like that. 

Day One (Mondays): Chest/Back/Abs. You spend the better part of an hour doing almost nothing but pull ups and push ups. Excruciating. Then, this is followed up by 15 minutes of abs that makes you feel like you got punched 12 times by the Hulk.

Day Two (Tuesdays): Plyometrics. This is another word for "jumping till your legs are literal stones". This is not for the weak kneed. They use words like rocker jumps, monster truck tires, and Heisman poses.

Day Three (Wednesdays): Shoulders/Arms/Abs. A blistering day of working those bis, tris, and delts with another dose of gut wrenching abs.

Day Four (Thursday): Yoga. Who does an hour and a half of Yoga? I guess I do now.

Day Five (Fridays): Legs/Back/Abs: You will be dragging dead stumps you used to call your legs back to the shower. Oh yeah, MORE ABS.

Day Six (Saturdays): Kenpo. This is honestly my favorite. It's basically kick boxing training. Outside the sound of Tony's irritating voice, I could do this daily. 

That's right Kids (that's what Tony calls you, kids) you get to take Sundays off. A day of worship. Praising the Lord that you don't have to hear "let's love ourselves, or "how may reps are YOU gonna do" for a 24 hour period. We truly are thankful. We're on Week 2 of Phase 1. We hope to weather the storm. Again, it isn't because we can't hack the workouts, I really think we can. We're pretty tough. It's surviving Tony. Help me Tom Cruise, use your voodoo to make Tony go away! Get me another instructor! Ahhhhhhh. 

The end.