East Bound and Down...: The Bermuda Triangle.

It's been said that everyone has two families. The one you are born into and the one you choose. Some may even throw in a THIRD family and call it your work family. You don't really choose them and most of the time you aren't born into them either. Hopefully, the relational dynamics of the individuals within these families remains smooth and without bumps. For the most part, we can juggle our families without huge issues (for the most part!). On an everyday basis, these families we call our own are separate entities that we divide time between and that never really intersect. It takes special occasions to place them on a collision course. Hence my clever witty title, the Bermuda Triangle.

The family Kara was born into:

Stolen from my sister's blog

The Gigers circa 1987, I have no idea who took this.

The family Kara chose:

Photo by Jessica Buchholz

Photo by MLG Photography

Stolen from my brother in law's facebook page

I don't have any pictures of my work family, we are bit estranged (well I mean who really takes pictures of their coworkers?). I take a few minutes of reflection on this topic because I attended/hosted an event this weekend that always manages to create that Bermuda triangle effect for any blushing bride. The wedding shower. As a bride, we are basically reaching out to all the ladies in our separate families to come together and give us stuff. It sounds and IS quite a fabulous but is also slightly chaotic.

My dearest gal pal Allison is getting married in January. I'm honored to be her maid (yes I'm married, but matron makes me feel like I'm 400 pounds with a mole on my face) of honor. Thus, my hosting a shower for her. While I scrolled through her EXTENSIVE guest list, I noticed she had inserted family members from every area of her life. Work family, chosen family, blood family. I have been to my fair share of wedding/baby showers in my lifetime. We'll keep it to wedding since baby is just not relevant at this point ;) When I was getting married it was so wonderful to have all the ladies I cared about in one place. I can't speak for how Ali felt about this situation, but from my own experience, all this family intersection is quite stressful. Why doesn't anyone RSVP!?? It says it right there on the invite to let me know by this date? 2 people RSVPd and there are 20 people here. *sigh What if they don't talk to one another? I can't be everywhere to spur on conversation at once! What if things get weird? I probably (ok I do) stress too much over the situation. At Ali's shower yesterday I gazed about the room, clumps of family are spread out only talking amongst themselves munching on brunch. If they happen to talk to someone they don't know they keep it to topics like the weather and the delicious food.

After eating of course it's time to open gifts. But before we can get down to that we have to make introductions. What's your name, how do you know the bride? This is especially awkward for chosen family members as the manner in which we typically meet each other is a booze soaked haze outside the bar bathroom in college when your future BFF is looking for some lip gloss. You get to chatting on how much you LOVE this song and how that weird guy won't quit hitting on you. (This situation is purely circumstantial and not at all how Ali and met, but it was darn close!) You want to explain that to everyone? I certainly hope this is not how you met your coworkers, but stranger things have happened. Is there some reason that we have to say who we are? Past the wedding are we even going to see each other again? Can we just skip this part? Just open up those presents geez!

Moving along. Opening gifts, things are going well, yadda yadda. But it isn't a shower without some games! I'm all for games that just include the bride but trying to include the entire group can be awkward as well. Thankfully, we didn't do much yesterday in the way of games because well, I didn't want to. And let's be honest, it's all about me. I've been to showers where people had to play some sort of wedding bingo, making a dress out of toilet paper, the couple's name in a word jumble, etc. Of course teams are made up of randomly picked ladies and you get to find out that most people don't want to shout out or get into games and they're there for the food. Getting total group participation is like being pulled through a knothole backwards. It's uncomfortable, and FORCED. I vote no games, for those of you considering it.

To summarize, showers are a necessary evil for bridesmaids to coordinate for brides. Come on, you gotta make sure she gets some LOOT! Aside from having to email everyone 3 times to get a for sure count on bodies, you have to force interaction between people that really have no interest or need in becoming a part of one of your family groups. Uncomfortable laughter at inside jokes and trying to get a rated G version of your R story on how you met. All in all, it was a successful day but I'm looking forward to a break until I host another one. A few pictures to commemorate the day....taken by Jess Buchholz